How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
