they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
