I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
