i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize