and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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