Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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