It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
