You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
