TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
im on a boat
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