bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
