did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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