Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
