i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
