She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
