everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
