I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
