my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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