I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
As shirtless as possible
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
