on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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