After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
