Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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