dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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