don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
