Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
