... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
