She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
