I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
