My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
