omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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