Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize