and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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