what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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