You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
