Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
