If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
