So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
