Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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