You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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