sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
