Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
