remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am naked and annoyed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize