I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
