So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
