I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
