I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
