My sheets look like a crime scene.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
