Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
