i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
