Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want is dick and wine.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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