Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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