Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
