no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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