she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
