I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
