I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
