I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
