oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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