paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
