it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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