I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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