Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
