We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
