My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
