I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
