gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
