we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
