I think I died a long time ago.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize