Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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