I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
