She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
