Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
