It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
