your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
