We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
