We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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