so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
