garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh god the rape fog is back!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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