"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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