u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
